Friday, August 10, 2012

Five 5's

Since we're on a "five" kick lately I might as well follow suite. That and I'm too lazy to think of anything today and in a bit too much pain to put forth any effort towards anything. I might end up in List Rehab or Questionnaire Rehab for posting two in one day but what the hell I can join my sister-in-law there she posted lists all the time till someone busted her.

What are the 5 scariest things you have ever heard from a doctor:

1) Your daughter has cancer. It is suggested that we start chemo right away. (my daughter when she was a year and half old.

2) He wont make it, you should pull the life support. (said about me to my father when I was supposedly brain dead.)

3) We are sorry. He is so small from the condition, it is very unlikely he will survive more than a few hours.  (said about my son moments after he was born, he surpassed their time-frame but only made it two days.)

4) We may not be able to fix this and you may never have children again. (they were wrong as far as I know.)

5) I'm sorry there is nothing more we can do. The only thing we can do is wait and administer antibiotics. It is likely she only has a day or two left. Again we are sorry. (said about a week and half before my daughter passed away from a blood infection not related to the cancer.)

What are your 5 top pet peeves involving people:

1) Parents who bring their young kids to R rated films or films that are clearly not appropriate their age group. I dont care what the rating says, if your child isnt going to understand the movie and there is obsessive violence, sex, adult language then dont bring your friggin kid. Get a babysitter and if you cant afford a babysitter or cant find one then obviously you shouldnt be going to the movies.

2) High strung liberals... as well as morons that decide to be a left or right winger based on one or two ideas that they support or because the other doesnt support one thing you like. Get all the facts know wtf you are supporting otherwise dont vote and dont go spreading your convoluted idiocy around... just makes you and your whole side look stupid. Be an educated voter people! Not a lowly informed moron!

3) People who blame anything but themselves for THEIR failure. Must I explain this one? I think not.

4) Customer service reps or tech help reps. These people annoy the fk out of me. I've had to call them about things at work before and they argue about every thing and tell you to do everything youve already done. Then go through this whole schrade of bullshit before they understand and it clicks in their small brain what the problem really is which you told them an hour ago.

5) People who zig zag in and out of lanes on the highway AND neighborhood roads. I dont care to be run off the road or run into a wreck because your dumbass cant drive properly and are in such a hurry you rather put yourself and everyone else in danger when you really dont get anywhere any faster.

What are 5 funniest things that have been said to you or overheard by you:

1) News flash to all men, contrary to popular belief, revving your engine does not make your dick grow. -Jamie while in the hospital doped up on meds.

2) I just realized why women love circumcised men the best!....They just can't resist 10% off!!!  -Jamie yet again while in the hospital doped up on meds.

3) HEY YOU...HEY... HEY YOU...NO NO NOT YOU.... the bird............. -Jess trying to fed a bird bread off of her sandwich one day at arbys

4) A phone call I received from a 1800 number. Normally I dont answer the phone at all but for some reason I did this day. The voice on the other end wanted to speak to "TTS Error"..... this is basically how the phone call went.....“There is no TTS Error here. The TTS Error is there.”....“I need to speak to TTS Error.”....“You can’t speak to TTS Error."...“I must.  I have an important message.”....Oh lord…  “Okay, what’s the message?”.....“Are you TTS Error?”....What to say…what to say…  “Sure, I’ll be TTS Error if you like.”......“Sir, I must speak to TTS Error.  If you are not such a person, then I cannot leave the message."...At this point I’m wondering:  Is there any point in trying to explain to this mindless ninny that a TTS Error is a computer error?  Nah.  You can’t fix stupid.  (I heard that somewhere.)  Instead, I took this tack: “I regret to inform you that TTS Error has passed away."....“Oh, I’m very sorry, sir.  I will speak to my supervisor.”......“You do that.” that point I dented my desk with my forehead.

5) Drop your balls, grab your socks. - my dad. Not sure wtf he was talking about but he was doing laundry at my house and talking to someone in the other room presumably the 12 year old but I didnt want to find out or question what was going on so I calmly proceeded to the kitchen for a drink.

Name 5 of your most embarrassing moments:

designated driver said we all needed to go to the bathroom and make sure we were good for the ride home. After a bit of resistance we all decided to go. We went in and everyone was starting to do their thing. I looked down and there was a huge spider in the urinal. I screamed "HOLY FK THAT IS BIG"... all the guys in the bathroom turn around and give me a dirty look. I briefly tried to explain about the spider but it didnt work. Was very awkward.

2) I found out I was very clumsy when I was younger. I met my friend and made to give him a *fist bump*. Unfortunately, I slipped and punched his head!

3) When I was in 8th grade we went to hurricane harbor. My whole class did. We had to go on this one ride in pairs so I went with this girl I sort of liked at the time. On the ride my swim trunks somehow flew off and landed on her. I was completely naked. She managed to hand my trunks back and I got them on but it was really awkward to talk to her for a very long time.

4) My three year old (2 or so at the time) going around telling everyone I had a girlfriend and not to talk to me. He even told the 80 something year old door greater at tom thumb that I had a girlfriend, he also told her "shes only half your age." Was more embarrassing than it sounds.

5) I was sleeping on the couch one day and my friend was sleeping on the floor right next to the couch laying the same direction as me basically. He was sitting up against the couch when I had fallen asleep. We were watching tv or gaming I dont remember which. But I heard something in my dream that sounded like it was real and it woke me up and I fell off the couch and landed right on top of my friend. A coworker of ours was also over at the time and comes walking in from another room to see us laying on top of eachother. We were like whoa its not what it looks like. He didnt believe us lol.

Name 5 things that scare you the most:

1) Losing another child.

2) Who ever I marry, dying before me.

3) Never finding/being with someone that will love me enough to stay and help me through all of the problems I have and therefore being alone all of my life.  Or being stuck again with someone who will abuse me because I think its all I can get or all I deserve. (not a reality right now but never know, anything could happen I suppose)

4) Not being about to have more kids and being forced to adopt or something.

5) Being stuck with certain physical pains the rest of my life and not finding any relief or making it worse in the process.

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Brutal Telling from the Wings of a Reawakened Dark Angel by Jay Fallen (JAF) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. (answers only)

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