Thursday, September 27, 2012

In my Dreams You are in my Life but in my Life You are Just a Dream

This may be abstract/cryptic... may not... may be both abstract/cryptic and normal-.- just writing what pops in my mind. Should be a quick post, but it may not be. Codes- C, G, O, AAU

C- Right now, all i want is for you to tell me you love me, tell me this whole thing wasn't a lie and that I'm not wasting all my time wanting to be with you xღx There is a 99% chance that you'll never love me or that it will never work but its that 1% that's keeps me hanging on. though the string I'm hanging onto is about to break xღx Hard to open up yet easy at times, never sure of the outcome. xღx Tired of having my heart hurt so much... would you make up your mind. Do you love me or not? do you want me or not? I need to know so I know to move on or not xღx There is no greater pain than to have someone you love push you away. xღx It's weird how your head tells you to do something but your heart won't let you xღx Between us there's a separation through time and space, but there's this feeling inside nothing else can seem to replace. I love you. I truly do. xღx So frustrating -.- xღx Similarities? xღx Want you to know but I don't xღx They say I must be blind. xღx Echo of words, cut like a knife. xღx Two gains, not ideal but good enough. xღx Maybe too big of a sacrifice or not ideal time frames. xღxNot ready? xღx Vulnerability, ok but not ok. xღx Helps when no one else seem to be able to, typically because I don't allow it. xღx Don't know, and if so don't know why either way I guess. xღx

G- How do you know you're doing the right thing when doing it makes you feel like shit?  Is it love when you go from kissing one minute to wrestling the next, and you always win? Easy to open up to while not feeling so bad about it, halfass know the outcome. "So throw one arm around me honey, we'll sling that gravel like Bonny and Clyde. I'd ride with you all around the world, cause boy I'm your shotgun girl." I know why, both ways. Want to pull you close yet push you away, want to make you go want to make you stay. Scared the way I feel is written on my face. Apparently my name is always coming out of your lips O.o Takes me by surprise a lot when I see you standing nearby. Family. Sacrifices I rather not make but would if it came to it. Helps when not asked to. Stable.  Similarities. Sorry for pushing?

O- Is there love and life out there?  Craves the warmth of someone's heart & someones touch; sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.  Easier to trust and open up now, yet unsure of outcome?  Sometimes when you call on an old friend to hold your hand while you cry, they end up holding your heart while you smile instead.  Not a night I haven't cried.  Searching.  Forever.  New opportunities  Possible family and less of a sacrifice.  Complete new start, chance to faces fears in a new light.  Unconditional, always developing.  I think I'm ready. 

AAU- What's meant to be will always find a way, and what doesn't find a way was never meant to be. Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ
Love me without fear. Trust me without wondering. Love me without restrictions. Want me without demands. Accept me how i am. Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ Listening to what I was told by someone special. Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ What's easy, doesn't always last... What lasts, isn't always easy. Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ Maybe it's easier to keep the wall up...and dig a moat...and add piranhas... Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ Scared. Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ Need to be loved like my dog loves me haha Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ 

Ok thats good enough for now... its not going the way I wanted and i'm tired and running out of thoughts that are coherent enough to post. Plus need to take kid to school -.- Not everything I wanted to say was said but oh well... good enough of a sample.

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Brutal Telling from the Wings of a Reawakened Dark Angel by Jay Fallen (JAF) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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