Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Drama, Excuses, Lies, Abuse ETC... Not Welcome Here
So I am highly upset right now. This will be cryptic in some ways. Or a lot of ways. I haven't decided. Just going to write.
I'm tired of people that walk around and act like they should be given special treatment or treated differently just because they are disabled or are sick. That might seem harsh but I know some people that yell and get pissed because they cant get special pricing or something different than what is already offered to accommodate them. Just because you are sick or have this or that, is no reason you should be able to pay less than the rest of the human race. No reason you should get first class in a plane for a coach priced ticket just because you need to be seated in a special area for such and such reason. If you can get that then great good for you but no reason to yell and get pissed off and act like they are a horrible company because they are treating you equal. Yet these same people I know that behave this way, when you try to treat them nice and spend time with them and help them out they get pissed or unappreciative because you are taking up their time or they don't feel good. People that are never happy no matter what they are given. No matter what you do for them it isn't enough.
My son is facing the possible loss of two grandmothers. Two diff issues. Two surgeries Two possible outcomes with same risks. I'm scared but must be brave for him.
I'm getting tired of people that beg for your attention and you give it, but when you want their attention or actually try to get their attention its ignored or over looked because they have someone else's attention at the time. Sucks even more when you are one of the most important people in their life supposedly.
People that take several hours to answer an email, annoy me. Especially when they claim to check their email 15-20 times a day "waiting to hear from people." Its like you know they are looking at it... just not answering you.
Some people think it is wrong for me to halfass forgive someone from my past. Yes there was a good bit of harm done from that person. Yes it will affect me for a while. Yes it was wrong of them. But I've been hurt a lot worse before. I can keep my distance and still have a civil acquaintance ship with them. I can leave my heart out of it. I can keep myself from accepting abuse of any kind from this person. I am a grown man. I am learning what is acceptable behavior towards myself from others and what is not. I am learning to not allow bad treatment. I am old enough to make decisions and do this. Your approval is not needed.
Tired of clingy, codependent people. Enough said there.
I'm tired of people telling me that I don't know how they feel or they think I don't know how they feel. Trust me I fking know. I'm not going to go into details with that but I know. I don't need to be yelled at, cussed at, made to feel ashamed, made to feel like shit, guilted into anything, made to regret anything. That goes for a few people honestly. It is not acceptable at all, I don't care what your reasoning for treating me that way is. If you have to come up with an excuse for your behavior instead of being an adult and truly owning up to it then you don't need to be around me. Abuse is abuse. Bottom line. Doesn't matter if you have a mental disorder or just cant behave around people or was pissed at someone else and took it out on me or whatever reason you come up with it is still abuse. An excuse doesn't change that. I don't make excuses for my actions or behavior. I could. I have plenty of things that I could use as an excuse but I don't. Maybe I should, I'd be a lot happier. Actually, I wouldn't because lying to myself and others wouldn't make me happy in the long run.
A certain conversation has helped me look at things from a view I already see, but it let me know I am seeing clearly. Thank you.
Tooth-Fairy has been sick a lot lately. It kind of worries me but getting it dealt with. Pointless night last night. Some interesting conversation though. Thanks for that. Thanks for being understanding as well.
Superwoman has been kind of sick too. I hope that all works out, it worries me as well. Sorry last night fell through and there was some misunderstandings I guess you could say. Or lack of communication. Or something. Either way, I am sorry and I give forgiveness as well.
Worried about Little Bunny FuFu as well but upset with this person too. A lot of uncalled for things over the past, idk how long. Discussion needs to take place. But I'm content waiting, its always a waiting game. I don't need the stress though so the wait is welcomed right now. But at the same time I want this dealt with so a bit mixed on this.
Tatted Mans truck is broken again. Good thing he can trade it in for a new truck and has a down payment to put down for a better reliable truck. He's needed this for a few years now. Same shitty truck for the past 9 years. Time for some new and positive in his life. His "mom" isnt helping either, psycho bitch in jail. This should be fun in my future and his.
In a way I regret refusing an offer or two lately for a couple of things. In the long run it will be better because if it comes to that in the future I won't have the shame of falling through with commitments. It will make the offer more honest, more beneficial for both parties involved. No matter what comes of it all, all involved parties can walk away with no harm done. If the ball had gotten rolling before the others came to a rest or continued rolling, then things could collide and be very bad. So for now I am satisfied with my decision. I am grateful that involved parties understand.
Tired of stating my feelings to people and those feelings being dismissed, over-looked, turned against me, used against me.
Little bit of a disagreement with BMFB but still totally my best friend. Love him no matter what. My second hand basically. My protection and in some ways always a safe haven. I hate when we argue. I'm glad we could reconcile. I would be lost without you in my life. Work would be fked up too. Thank you for always being around and being such a wonderful person.
With all of that said, I am very stressed right now. A lot has come on suddenly. A lot of heavy weights put on me in the past couple of days. Some people are more important than others right now, as they are my family. Some situations are more important than others right now because they need my attention right then and there. Myself is the most important thing over all though. I will no end up in the hospital due to stress related events like last time. I will care for myself and my son's above all else. I care for others too much, I put my attention on others too often. I help others more than I should. I take on other peoples drama more than I should. I accept other peoples problems as my own. That is not my job. I am not your baby sitter, I am not your threapist, I am not your mother or father, nothing. I will help certain people to an extent but I am the most important right now. If you have a problem with that then there is not need for you in my life because that tells me that you are just a problem causes and full of drama. None of which is welcome in my life at this point in time. Until further notice, my give a fk is broken.
Brutal Telling from the Wings of a Reawakened Dark Angel by Jay Fallen (JAF) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.